The romance in any relationship is in a constant state of flux.
Whether you’ve been together for three months or three years, there will be periods of romantic “plenty”, and times of romantic “drought”.
Some people see dwindling romance as an inevitable outcome in any long-term relationship. But that’s simply not true. Because while romance does tend to dwindle over time, this is neither an inevitable, nor a permanent and irreversible, outcome.
Which is why, in this article, we explore why romance can dwindle, and what you can do about it.
Why Romance Can Dwindle
When the romance in your relationship dwindles, there are lots of possible causes.
- Tiredness (from work, looking after children, or other time-consuming commitments)
- Boredom from routine (either in your relationship, or other aspects of life)
- Unresolved emotional problems (in your relationship or in other life areas)
- Lack of confidence (in yourself, in the relationship, at work, etc.)
- Depression (clinical, or short-term and situations-based)
As you can see from the reasons listed above, a lack of romance in your relationship can often be a temporary, circumstantially-based situation. However, it can also be a long-term issue. Either way, the question of dwindling romance is a delicate one, so approach it carefully and kindly. Be kind to yourself and to your partner, don’t be indifferent to what they have to say, and listen without judging. Then, consider trying some of the strategies listed below.
Strategies for Revamping Romance
Here are just 3 ways you can revamp the romance in your relationship:
- Purposefully set aside time for a romantic evening together. You can go out, or stay in. Whether you’re at home or out somewhere, wine and dine together, and be sure to get dressed up and put in the same sort of effort you used to. A night spent together and getting back to the attitudes and approaches you had when you first courted can do wonders for the romance in your relationship.
- When you feel more confident about the way you look, you’ll feel more confident in general, and self-confidence is good for romance. Consider exercising to get in better shape, or do something else to improve your appearance, such as getting a new haircut and colour, or even just buying some new clothes.
- You can also try something new in the bedroom. Sexual intimacy can (and should) be intertwined with romance. (Pleasantly) surprise your partner, or ask them what they would like to try. Most importantly, remember to keep your sense of humour. Being able to laugh together afterwards can be just as intimate and romantic as actually enjoying what you do.
Take the Initiative
When you feel that the romance in your relationship is dwindling or has dried up, it can be easy to feel unwanted and unattractive. When left unchecked, these feelings can build into resentment and blame – neither of which is great for your relationship.
Rather than allowing yourself to be affected by the situation, however, you can take back some control. Instead of waiting for your partner to make a change, take the initiative yourself. Suggest or organise a romantic activity, surprise them with a romantic gesture, or do something else to spice things up.
If the romance in your relationship needs revamping, it’s likely that your partner has been dealing with the same feelings of inadequacy you’ve faced. By taking the initiative and reintroducing some romance into your relationship, you could be giving them exactly what you were waiting for them to give you – and they’ll soon respond in kind.
Sex and Romance
Like we said earlier, in any intimate relationship, sex and romance are intertwined.
There will be periods of time in most relationships where you have sex less frequently than you used to. There are many reasons this may happen, including psychological factors (such as the way you or your partner feel in general or feel about yourselves), environmental factors (such as stressful events or circumstances), physical factors (including erectile dysfunction and pain during intercourse), and social pressures (such as the fictional depiction of what constitutes a “normal” sex life on TV).
In each of these situations, it’s important not to feel rejected or to take things personally. Talking kindly and non-judgementally about it with your partner can help. Often, all that’s required is to set aside time, make an effort, and try to have fun like you used to. If this doesn’t work, speaking with a counsellor may be the answer.
Romance in Your Relationship
As you can see, it’s important to make time for romance and intimacy in your relationship. And with the pressures of modern day life, deliberately finding the time is more important than ever before.
Have you ever felt that the romance in your relationship was dwindling? What did you do to revamp it? Let us know in the comments below.